Fighting a False Restraining Order

False restraining orders are cruel, manipulative, and horribly damaging to the falsely accused. There's many reports of such and very little that can be done, which makes them even more painful. I can attest to the horrid pain of being accused of something vicious that isn't even in your nature. Someone who wants to destroy someone can do very little that has much more of an impact than to lie and accuse someone of causing fear of abuse. Having to fight your way back from this, which you absolutely want to do, will not be easy. But you must. Somehow, someway, you will see your kids again. Keep a record of your thoughts and wishes for the kids. Keep a journal or blog, just for them. Then you are staying in touch with them, in a spiritual sense. Plus when you get to see them, you can read to them, or let them read it. I don't know the ages of your children, but if they are young, then keep this for when they are older. If they are older, then they can read it for themselves. You have a super tough and very long fight ahead of you and there will seem to be very little that goes in your favor. When you do get to see the kids, treat each visit as if it's your last. But don't lose hope. It may take 2, more likely 5, and possibly longer before you win, but you will. Don't let your accuser win by giving in. Try not to think of the worst case scenario, but expect that things will torture your spirit. Take private moments to cry and rave about it, live a life as best as possible because any other way is letting the accuser win. Stay strong.

Regarding restraining orders, MA (like many other states) requires very little to issue a restraining order (209A). This 10-day restraining order is issued based only one a person's statement. No police report is needed, no doctor report, absolutely nothing except one person's word. After the 10-days, there's a court hearing. This is done in front of an over-worked judge who has seen the worst, and expects the worst. Even a mild act of fear or tears can convince him to rule in the accusers favor. The judge rarely allows for much argument. From my experience, unless proof can be provided that the two were in totally different locations, the R.O. is extended. It's pretty much assumed that the 209A will not only be extended, but the standard is for a year. A violation typically brings a 2 year jail term. Still, no proof is required, only allegations. The only thing stopping jail is lack of a police warrant. And fortunately, for the most part, the police are too busy to issue a warrant for something without proof.

Now, take the factor of kids being involved. Because there's a restraining order keeping two adults apart, the kids automatically go with the accuser. This makes things very difficult for the accused to see them. In fact, it will take a court order for the other parent to see them. The entire time, the accuser will be telling the kids anything she (or he) can. Because this person has already lied to the judicial system, there is little reason for any expectation for them to be honest with the kids as to why the other parent isn't there. They will tell their story to anyone and everyone, including the kids. They will probably even begin to believe their own lies. It is vicious, cruel, and horribly damaging to the children, especially if it flies in the face of everything they've seen or known. Older teens are the only ages that might not believe at least some part of the story.

The fight for an accused parent to see their children can take many years, and this is with court hearings frequently throughout the years. Each day in front of the judge wears at the soul. Each time the other person wins is a blow. And each time something, anything, is said or implied by anyone involved that they might believe your accuser becomes a wound. The only good thing is that in probate court the same judge presides over all the hearings, including custody and divorce ones, that pertain to the two parties involved, to the original docket number. Over time, the innocently accused will win, because eventually the person who is falsely accusing someone will go too far, and the judge will tire of the constant dramatics. He doesn't like to keep seeing the same people in court, especially if there is nothing that shows the "abuser" has been doing anything to warrant the claims. But for the most part, the ones who really suffer are the children, because not only are they being kept from seeing their other parent, but also because they are having their minds confused and twisted by the falsities that are being put into their minds.

The entire system regarding restraining orders boils down to guilty until proven innocent. No joke. All it takes is someone with an ax to grind. I will add that not all restraining orders are bogus. Some of them are really necessary. But in those cases, the abuser doesn't care about fighting the order, just retribution. In the bogus cases, all the abuser wants is to be left alone, or in the case of kids, to fight within the legal system to get to see their kids (or even to get them away from the real abuser.) Filing a restraining order against the other person just guarantees an even longer wait.